Memphis-OKC Highlights: Announcer Edition; or, The Institute of Applied Nonsense

As much as I appreciate the unflappable, good-natured cerebrality of Steve Kerr and the reassuring snarkiness of Marv "Voice of the NBA" Albert, Mike/Jeff/Marc is far and away my all-time favorite NBA announcing team. If I were ever in a broadcasting booth that was in a foxhole, those are the guys I would want to have my back. Here are some highlights from the last two Memphis-OKC games.

You Look Forward to Going into Somebody Else’s House, and Putting Your Feet All on Their Couch and the Table

Mark Jackson on Dallas coming into OKC’s great arena:

“That’s what you look forward to as a veteran player: you begin as you get older and older to embrace these situations. You look forward to going into somebody else’s house, and putting your feet all on their couch and the table.”

Can I Get an Amen, Mike?

Jeff Van Gundy (JVG)’s NBA Psychology Corner: After Stevenson gets an early technical for pushing Sefalosia after he knocked the ball out of Stevenson’s hand right after a whistle:

“The number one cause of technicals is a member defensive team trying to take the ball out of the hands of the offensive player holding it on a dead ball. What would be so irritating about that? That would be for a coach like somebody took your clipboard.”

Mark Jackson: “I could see if he was sitting over here next to you—then he got something to be upset about. That’s irritating. Can I get an a-men, Mike?"

Mike Breen: "A-men."

The Institute of Applied Nonsense

Camera pans to Dirk’s shooting coach, Holder Gershwinder, sitting in the stands.

Breen: "Holder’s methods always unconventional. He’s called his basketball academy the Institute of Applied Nonsense. But it’s certainly been effective for the seven-foot German."

Some Guys Have a Hard Time Making 48 Straight Layups

JVG: “Two consecutive days in practice, Stoyankovitch made 94/100 threes, then 96/100 threes.

Jackson: “And he also had a run where he made 48 straight. Which is impressive…some guys have a hard time making 48 straight layups.”

Fear the Beard Pt. 1: I Think it Would Complete You

An OKC fan sign – “FEAR THE BEARD” – sparks Mike Breen to inaugurate a new announcer feature: Notable Playoff Beards.

Breen (re Harden): “Just one of many great playoff beards!”

Jackson to JVG: “Have you ever thought about growing a beard. Cause I think it would complete you.”

JVG: “I might go, what’s that—goatee? I might do the goatee.”

Fear the Beard Pt. 2: I Don’t Think There is a Good Look of Me

(aka Jeff Van Gundy’s Low Self-Esteem Corner)

Camera pans to another fan holding up a different and much stranger “FEAR THE BEARD” sign: a big poster-sized drawing of JVG’s face…with Harden’s beard.

Mark Jackson: "Did you like that…that, look of you?"

JVG: "I don’t like any look of me. I don’t think there is a good look of me."

It’s Something to Do

Crowd starts anti-ref chant in protest of a (stupid and obvious) Ibaka foul on Dirk with 12 seconds left in the half.

JVG: "Are these fans kidding me? They’re yelling at the ref on that call?"

Breen: "It’s something to do."

JVG: "They should be able to have a crowd technical for lack of basketball IQ."

1992 All-Star Game Bonus!

He’s the Only Person I Know Who Wears Makeup for Radio

One Fratello signature that seems to be emerging is that every game, amidst two-hours worth of pablum, he focuses in for one random moment of lucidity. Apparently this has always been his m.o.: at the 1992 All-Star Game, a young Mike Fratello announces the game with a young Mike Breen. Camera pans to a younger (sort of) Marv Albert, who is doing a radio call.

Fratello on Marv: “He’s the only person I know who wears makeup for radio.”